So where does validation start? My opinion? Childhood.
I grew up craving love and never really feeling like I was enough for someone in my life. I felt like everything I did was either judged or rejected. That person's love was conditional on me acting a certain way.
It changed the way I lived my ENTIRE life (romantic relationships, friendships, views of success, money, you name it).
As a kid, if you don't feel love over a long period of time, you don't feel like you have much self-worth. I felt like I didn't really matter. I needed validation and acceptance to feel like I was enough. I hated criticism from others. Fear of it made me change everything about myself.
It led me to be extremely outgoing, and I started basing my worth on the response I got in social interactions. I thought that if I became friends with successful people, I finally mattered. If I had 5000 Facebook friends, I finally mattered. So this outgoing personality led me to be extremely loud with over the top energy.
PART of that is my authentic personality (which I love), but part of it was fake. Part of that was simply me, craving validation. I thought that if I found a way to get noticed, I'd finally matter.
I'd be a social chameleon and change who I was depending on the peer group I was in.
I never was unapologetically myself. If I was around successful people, I pretended I had success. If I were around people that hate their life, I would talk poorly about my life just so they would love me. This fear of loss even played a role in my intimate relationship with Janiece. When she went out to the bars, I always needed reassurance because I was afraid she was gonna dance on some dude.
"Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." - Aristotle
I WISH I knew that quote when went through this. If you want to change your future positively, you WILL be criticized. There's a 100 percent chance that less than 100 percent of people are going to like you.
My mistake: I didn't realize that NOT being authentic led me to create NOTHING.
I was too focused on what other people wanted out of me, NOT who I truly was.
My life changed on the day a millionaire told me I was acting like I was too cool for her. She was EXTREMELY successful. I had nothing. And she could smell my bullshit from a mile away!
I felt like I let her down. That's when life started turning around.
I realized that being socially accepted was no longer my goal. Being REAL was my goal.
All of it comes down to feeling like you're not enough. And all that means is that you're afraid you won't be loved. Think about where that feeling originated? Who's love did you crave and never receive?
When I realized that I don't need permission to be me, amazing things started happening. I began fully expressing myself, creating videos, inspiring people and creating a new business. I even got married! All these super cool things started happening because I was being ME!
Also super cool: All the people that didn't want to be part of my life just fizzled out. I didn't crave their love anymore. Weight=lifted.
Think of your life for a second. Where have you been holding yourself back? Are there gifts you could be offering the world right now, but you refuse to go after them because you're too afraid?
You don't need anyone else's permission to live your dream. And the longer you wait for approval, the longer you're going to feel like you're not enough.
Being vulnerable and authentic is HOW you feel like you're enough! It's HOW you inspire other people. You could be offering so much more to the world right now.
Not only is that causing you pain, but you're hurting the world around you by denying them your gift. I think about all my clients in my program Appreciation Academy, and I see all their lives changing right in front of me every day. It's incredible! If I weren't my authentic self, I would've never created that program. THEY would all still be in emotional pain and confusion.
So where in your life are you denying the world your gift? Where are you holding yourself back?
People's bullshit meter is so damn high right now. They can tell if you're trying to be perfect. That'll make them REJECT YOU MORE! People are drowning in so much information, but they're starving for truth. Think about that for a second. Putting yourself out there to build a business, love someone, or grow a career is being the REAL you.
As long as you're trying to adapt who you are to appease them, you'll always feel rejected by them. You're actually creating MORE of the very thing you're trying to avoid.
People crave authenticity. When you live your truth and have your own back, all your fears go away.
When I started being (unapologetically) myself and having my own back, I stopped caring about other people approving my actions. It was SO FREEING! Right now, you're craving validation and acceptance.
When you change who you are depending on the group you're with, you're living your life according to hundreds of sets of (other people's) rules. All that does is confuse you and make you feel like you're never enough. Live your life according to ONE set of rules: Your own.
1.) Have awareness. Realize you're doing it.
2.) Forgive yourself.
You're probably gonna be pissed that you've been fake for so long. Let it go by realizing all the good that came from it. You're probably a giver. You probably love people HARD. That's a beautiful thing. So think of all the beautiful things that came from your craving of validation and forgive yourself for wasting so much time being inauthentic.
3.) Learn how to break through the limiting beliefs holding you back.
This is HUGE. If you don't actually believe you're enough or worthy of love, there's INNER CONFLICT dominating your life. Find an online course or someone that can teach you how!
You can do it through my online mindset course: Appreciation Academy or you can do it through someone else. Either way, you MUST find a way to break through those beliefs. Until your limiting beliefs are rewired, and your self-talk is consistently empowering, you'll never achieve your biggest dreams.
You are enough.
You've always been enough.
You'll always be enough.
Take action and start believing it.
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