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The Self-Blame/ Responsibility Myth

Jul 03, 2019
 

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Summary:

  • Blaming yourself for where you are and taking responsibility for where you are, are two completely different things.
  • You are 100% responsible for your life.
  • You don’t control what happened in the past. You only control how you move forward from here.
  • Blaming gives you a way out of taking responsibility.
  • Resentment, even if it’s toward yourself, doesn’t change anything and just keeps you stuck.
  • Complexity is the enemy of execution.
  • Watch the video for the full training! 
  • If you struggle with being mean to yourself and not being able to control the negative voices in your head, this training is for you! 

Inspirational Quotes From The Episode:

     


Transcript:

Welcome to The Path To Mindset Mastery! My name is Brad Bizjack! I’m a mindset strategist, and coach, inspirational speaker, and creator of Appreciation Academy and I help online business owners silence all the negative self-talk holding them back from their dreams so they can finally see the success they deserve.

And I’m curious. Do you have a voice in your head that’s just mean? Almost like obnoxiously mean, telling you that you’ll never amount to anything or that you just suck or that you’ll never figure it out. And it hurts to hear that voice. It’s only consistent doubt and worry. It’s focused on the negative, and you’re sitting there wishing that voice would shut up, but you can’t figure out how. And then on top of that, you almost have this frustration or anger toward yourself. Like your highest standards are violated because you’re face to face with mediocrity when you know in your heart you’re meant for more. And you know you should take responsibility for your future, but it ends up just being blame. You blame yourself for why you are where you are. You blame yourself for why you’re stuck. You blame yourself for being your own worst enemy.

And if you’ve been listening to my podcast for a while, don’t bullshit yourself into believing that’s you if you’ve already mastered this because I know how easy it is to say “yeah that’s me!” when in reality you’ve broken through this already!

And you’re kinda sick of being mean to yourself, aren’t you? You want to feel emotionally free and emotionally happy? But you don’t know to do it. You know you should take responsibility for your life, but you’re so angry with yourself that anything you try just results in nothing. So you start to believe that nothing you try will work? That might be extreme, but does that sound like someone you know? Maybe someone you know very well?

I faced that too. I blamed other people. I blamed my family. I blamed my finances. I blamed my age. I blamed plenty of things. But when I really looked back at it, when I was at my darkest of times, sitting there, feeling helpless, wishing my life would change, but I couldn’t get myself to take action, I blamed myself. I was pissed off at myself for being less than I could be! I was pissed off at myself for being face to face with mediocrity. And all those words kept coming back.

"Brad, you’re a worthless piece of shit. Brad, you’re gonna end up just like your family. Brad, you’re never gonna be free. Who the heck do you think you are to dream big? It’s your fault you’re here."

And while that is true, it was 100% on me for being where I was. I was missing a critical piece. And put this in your notes:

Blaming yourself for where you are and taking responsibility for where you are, are two completely different things. So today, I’d like to share how I broke through through self-blame and how I started to silence the asshole that was living between my ears.

Write this down: You are 100% responsible for your life. You don’t control what happened in the past. You only control how you move forward from here.

Blaming gives you a way out of taking responsibility.

So what are the differences between self-blame and self-responsibility?

Self-blame focuses on the past.

Taking 100% responsibility for your life focuses on where you’re gonna go from here.

Self-blame gives you a way out. It’s like saying, “I know I should be grateful for the life I have but then not practicing gratitude.” Just knowing something is nothing. Knowledge is not power. Knowledge is only potential power. What matters is what you do. And self-blame keeps you doing nothing because it focuses on something that already happened.

Taking 100% responsibility for your life focuses on the future and where you’re gonna go next. It solves the problem.

Self-blame says, “It’s my fault,” and it makes you feel disempowered and empty.

Taking 100% responsibility for your life focuses on how you get to choose your next move. It makes you feel empowered and excited.

Self-blame focuses on what you should or shouldn’t have done.

Taking 100% responsibility for your life focuses on how things panned out exactly as they were meant to.

Do you see the massive difference between the two?

Most people think that if they blame themselves instead of others, they’re taking responsibility. But what’s really happening is you’re giving up responsibility.

So how do you break through this?

1.) Cultivate Gratitude

And please go back and listen to my podcast episode called, “Using The Pain Of Your Past To Create Greatness.” It’ll dive deeper into this! You must find the blessing in the challenge. So ask yourself, “why is this a great thing?” or “How would my highest self respond to this?” or “What can I learn from this?” or “How can I grow from this?” If you find the blessing instead of the fault, you not only change the meaning, but you change your entire future! Then practice being genuinely grateful for the lesson. Gratitude only works if you genuinely feel thankful for where you are now. That’s abundance 101. It’s loving your life as is and wanting more for yourself at the same time!

2.) Practice Forgiveness

And I’ll teach you in my flagship course Appreciation Academy how to forgive when you don’t want to. It’s one of the most important success tools you could ever use. Because resentment, even if it’s toward yourself, doesn’t change anything and just keeps you stuck. It’s like carrying a bag of bricks up a mountain. You don’t have to. You choose to. Forgiveness is like setting that bag down. It makes the hike way easier. If you struggle with self-blame and resentment and negative voices in your mind, you need Appreciation Academy. It’s life-changing. And for anyone who is listening to this podcast, you get 50% off the program by entering the promo code “PODCAST” in all caps at checkout.

3.) Tell The Truth

So I want to transition into the part of this podcast that focuses on the inner voice living in your mind. But before I do, one of the simplest ways to break free from these negative voices when you’re in a state of blame is to ask the question, “Is that actually true? Or am I just putting myself into a disempowered state?” And guess what’s gonna happen? Since you’re in a disempowered state, your mind is gonna go, “um yeah it’s true!” so I challenge you to answer that question as your highest self. Because deep down, you know you’re not worthless. Deep down, you know you’re meant for so much more. So ask yourself the truth from the highest level of yourself. The truth shall set you what? That’s right. Free. So tell yourself the truth because it’s so helpful.

One of the best ways to do this is to draw two circles side by side. In the left circle, write out all the stories playing around in your head. “I’m not good enough.” “It’s your fault.” “You’re trash and always will be.” Whatever it is. Write them all out in the left circle. And then in the right circle, write the truth about the situation. Maybe that’s “I made one simple mistake.” Perhaps that’s “I didn’t hit my monthly goal.” Whatever it is! But you’ll find a couple things from this exercise.

First, you’ll find that the left circle is extremely complicated and impossible to solve. And second, you’ll find the right circle is extremely simple and easier to solve. Write this down: Complexity is the enemy of execution. If you’re telling yourself stories about what happened, it makes life extremely complicated and hard to deal with. And if it’s complex, you won’t do anything to change your life, and you’ll start to build limiting beliefs that aren’t true. But if it’s simple, like the right circle, you can empower yourself and realize that it’s actually pretty easy to solve your challenge. You just need to remove you from the equation and tell yourself the truth. Which leads me to number 4.

4.) Disassociate From Your Limiting Stories

One of the biggest myths you could believe about your mindset is that the voice playing in your mind is actually you when it’s not. It’s a lower, fear-based, disempowered person. The real you is your highest self. So have you ever been in the shower or doing the dishes and you hear the voice in your mind going a million miles an hour all over the place, kinda like a pinball machine? It’s incredibly negative, it’s very confusing, it’s so overwhelmed with a million different things. So many people let this voice overtake them and actually think it’s them. Your highest self isn’t negative. Your highest self isn’t pessimistic. Your highest self doesn’t live in fear. But the mind will.

So you are your highest self. The mind is a different person. Let’s call this person your inner roommate. Image for a second that the voice in your head was a real-life person. Would you hang out with that person?! No! Definitely not! That person is crazy and super negative. No one would ever want to hang out with them! So why do you let that person be the most important peer group member in your life? Why do you let that person run your life? Why do you seek counsel from a crazy person?

The best strategy for dealing with this is to give that person a name. A funny name that interrupts your pattern of negative thinking. One of my clients named hers Eeyore! One of my clients named hers Gladys.” Whatever you want to name yours, name it.

And then when that negative voice comes up, you can just notice he or she is there and say, “Silly Eeyore. I don’t have time for you right now, but thanks for stopping by!” And by doing this, you’ll have accomplished a couple of things!

First, you’ve interrupted your negative thinking pattern. So you’ll already feel better.

Second, you’ve disassociated from the negativity and realized that you are not negative. It’s the voice in your mind. By disassociating, you can take responsibility.

Third, you’ve leveled up to your highest self. And your highest self can crush any goal, any dream, anything you put your mind to.

So let’s recap.

Blame and responsibility are not the same things. Be grateful for the past and ask what you can learn from it. Forgive yourself (and I’ll teach you how to do that in Appreciation Academy). Tell the truth. Because complexity is the enemy of execution. And disassociate from the negative voice in your mind by realizing it’s not you!

When you master these 4 skills, self-blame won’t be a thing. Self-blame only comes when you listen to the negative voice in your mind. When you are your highest self, you live in a state of total responsibility for your life and for your future. And that’s an exciting place to live because you’re focused on the solutions and what you can create!

So before we hop off here, just a quick favor. If you found value in this today, head over to iTunes and give this podcast a rating and review. The higher it’s rated, the more people it can serve. And of course, share this with the people that need it most. Screenshot it. Put it in your IG stories. Share this message with your team and others who need it today!

Thanks so much for listening to The Path To Mindset Mastery! My name is Brad Bizjack. Go out there today and every day and live your life with a genuine smile on your face! Because it’s really easy to when you’re living as your highest self.

See you next week!


 

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