The only people that will complain about your boundaries are the people that you need to set boundaries for.
This episode is all about how we navigate those boundaries and identifying who we need to set those boundaries up for in our lives. This can be really uncomfortable for some people. But we are going to go over how to set boundaries for relationships. Specifically for relationships where you might love the person but you still need to have some distance in place.
Think about your life as a multi-national corporation. In your multi-national corporation you would have a board of directors. Their job is to give you advice and help steer your company towards greatness. We need to evaluate who you have on your board of directors in your life. Do they hold the qualities you would want to help you navigate your life to excellence?
If you could pick the characteristics of your board of directors what would you choose? Don't you want those qualities in the people you spend your time with?
There are three different "buckets" you could put people that are in your life into. The bucket you need to add people to, think back to the people you want on your board of directors, those are the people you want to add. The people you need to eliminate and the people you need to distance yourself from.
As you grow you start to create new goals and dreams and some of the people you have had in your life up until this point don't align with those anymore. It is okay to outgrow people.
Let's talk about eliminating people from your board of directors (peer group). These are people that are toxic. They are causing damage to you and the people you love. But what if that person is a family member? What if that person is someone in your life that you care about and love deeply? But they are someone you know you shouldn't be around because their energy is very negative.
There's a way to navigate that. You have to distance yourself and set up boundaries. You are going to notice a lot of resistance from them at first. They will notice that you are growing and changing and try to pull you back in. When that happens, you try to pull them along and they slow you down. They are going to complain and make you feel guilty.
Guilt means one thing. It means you violated a personal standard that you have set up in your mind. This personal standard is typically "I need to make sure everybody likes me." "I don't want to disappoint anyone." Ask yourself, is that standard really serving you?
Think about a successful person. Most successful people will say no most of the time. They set up boundaries and follow through with them.
Ask yourself, do you say yes most of the time? My challenge to you is to unapologetically and politely distance yourself. Initially you will get resistance and feel like you need to explain yourself. BUT...
You don't need to explain yourself! When you set boundaries without apology or explanation, eventually people will respect those boundaries. In the beginning there will be complaints and worry but over time as you keep true to yourself and the boundaries you have set the resistance you are feeling from them will slowly reside. They won't complain about them as much. It will allow you to heal and show up better in that relationship.
What is the long-term benefit of these boundaries? You will be able to show up in your toxic relationships, it allows you to show up in that relationship with more love and compassion. It also allows me to set my priority of finding people on my board of directors that align with my dreams and goals and that are moving towards the life of my dreams.
That's my challenge for you today. Are the people you are taking advice from the people that will guide you towards the life you really want? Don't take constructive criticism from people that have constructed nothing.
Spend time with people that challenge you and level you up.
If you stay in a relationship that isn't allowing you to grow, initially you might not feel this but in time you will feel more alone than if you set your boundaries and work towards your dreams.
Setting your boundaries gives you an opportunity to bring others into your board of directors that will help push you and move you in the right direction.
Set that boundary without an apology. You do not need to explain yourself.
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