Dealing With Haters 101

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Summary:

• Haters are a sign you're doing something right because it means your message is getting noticed! 
• Don't play defense with haters. Share compassion and love. 
• There are two types of haters. Hurting haters and loving haters.  
• Most lack of spousal support can be completely avoided if you start sharing what you love about your business instead of why you're frustrated and if you have scheduled, 100% focused time with your spouse! 
• Watch the video for the full training! 
• If you are negatively affected whenever you get haters or if you struggle with spousal support, this training is for you! 

Inspirational Quotes From The Episode:

Transcript:

Welcome to The Path To Mindset Mastery! My name is Brad Bizjack! I’m a mindset strategist and coach, inspirational speaker and creator of Appreciation Academy and I help online business owners breakthrough all the negative self-talk holding you back from your dreams so you can finally see the success you deserve.

And let’s start out today with a question. Are you ever affected by other people’s opinions? I’m talking haters. And today’s podcast is all about something I have to work on myself as well. By no means am I perfect at this. But I want to talk about haters because you’re going to face them. And if you’re not facing them, you aren’t playing big enough!

Do you ever face that, though? You’re crushing the day, doing so well, and then one comment takes you down like 20 pegs, and you don’t know how to gain control of your emotions again. The old me used to wallow in my sorrows, take the day off, and need something else to make me feel better because I used to think that my emotions were out of my control.

Or maybe you get a negative review? Or a customer that doesn’t see the results you’d like and you start to doubt your worth a little bit. It hurts, doesn’t it? Sure it does!

My feelings were hurt today. I received a really negative email about my abilities, and I remember for a few minutes, I questioned myself. It took a lot of focus not to respond negatively. It took a lot of concentration not to let it affect my day. And it took a lot of attention to turn it into inspiration to create the podcast for you. Because if I’m focused on myself and what I’m not getting, then I can’t help anyone. But if I’m focused on others, I can serve and uplift and live my mission of helping you break through negative self-talk that holds you back from your dreams.

You’re talking to someone who grew up craving validation, never feeling like I was enough, and I just had this desperate need to be liked. And so I had this expectation. If other people liked me, it meant that I was enough. Well, in this world, especially when trying to build a business (meaning, going against the status quo), what’s the likelihood that everyone is gonna like me? Zero. So what’s the percentage chance that I’d consistently feel like enough if that was the rule I was using in my life? Zero.

I remember I literally used to change my personality around different people just so I would be liked and accepted. It was like I was chasing a ghost. And whenever I’d get a hater, I’d go into shutdown mode.

And I get haters a lot.

People in my immediate family tell me consistently that I have no empathy.

People in my extended family told me that I prey on people’s insecurities for personal gain.

People that don’t even know me have called me a fraud.

I’ve gotten my fair share of haters over the years. And I’ve learned how to master the feelings that come when you get rattled by one. So I’d like to share that with you, so when you are facing haters, you know how to deal with them and how to take the feelings and turn them around to something good for others, just like I’m doing with this podcast.

So first all, please realize that you’ll never be hated on by someone doing better than you in your field. You won’t. That doesn’t happen. The haters only come from people that see you going after something, and it makes them reflect on what they are not yet able to do in their own life. And this includes family and spouses by the way! You have to think about who’s opinions you want to use as mentorship. Do you want to use the opinions of people that don’t have what you want? Or do you want to use the opinions of people who have gone before it and done it?

So when I got that hateful email today, I used the skills that I’m gonna teach you later in this podcast, and I remembered that this person isn’t someone that is an inspiration for my life, so I’m not gonna listen to that opinion. I recommend you do the same. Because if you don’t, you’ll end up letting someone who is a warning sign in your life stop you from becoming an example in other’s lives.

There are 2 types of haters that I’ve come across over the years. There are hurting haters. And there are loving haters. And there’s a big difference between the two of them!

Hurting haters are people that don’t have any incentive to keep your best interest in mind. These are people that feel the need to tear others down because they can’t build themselves up. These are the people that are sitting in the bleachers, but not playing the game.

Gary Vaynerchuk said, “The people who are boooo’n aren’t on the field. They bought tickets to watch.” And that’s true here. These people are sitting in the sidelines, not going after big things in their life, not taking responsibility for their life, and are personally victimized when other people succeed.

An example of this would be someone in my extended family that I haven’t talked to in 10 years. She’ll see a Facebook post about one of my clients who’s entire mindset has shifted and is seeing success for the first time in their life and she’ll send a long comment about how I’m scum and how I pray on people’s insecurities for money and all this stuff.

But in those moments, I need to remember that this person isn’t someone playing the same game I am. They’re not building a business changing lives. They’re not someone who’s opinion I hold highly, so I’m not gonna let it affect me. I’ll get into how to deal with this in just a minute!

But first, I want to talk about the second type of hater, and this the kind of hater that’s much more difficult to deal with, because you actually give a shit what they think. And these are loving haters. Meaning, your immediate family. Your closest friends.

I get a lot of questions about spousal support in my business. And when a spouse doesn’t support you, that’s a form of a hater, right? Of course. But when someone close to you hates on your work, it’s a very different intention.

It’s not because they actually are hating on you. It’s because they love you and want to protect you from pain. So their intentions are very good. You need to remember that. Your spouse isn’t telling you to stop because they don’t love you. They’re telling you it’s a waste of time because they don’t want to see you fail.

An example of this is when I was pricing out Appreciation Academy. I knew it was worth so much more than what I was charging for it. I knew it. And I also knew that people wouldn’t take me seriously if I told them that I’d change their entire life for a minimal investment. So I talked to my wife about doubling my prices. And she was totally against it. She was saying how she didn’t agree because we haven’t had success at the previous price point yet, etc. She’s very risk-averse, and I’m very pro-risk. I guess opposites attract. But at that moment, I could’ve either gotten really pissed, thinking that she doesn’t support and love me. Or I could realize that she really does love me and wants to make sure I succeed. Both responses have entirely different outcomes.

So the best medicine to dealing with loving haters is to put yourself in their shoes. Think about your spouse if they’re hating on your business. Chances are that when you talk to them about your business, you’re talking about the frustrations of what’s not working, correct? And that’s what they see. Then on top of that, they’ll see all this time spent away from them with minimal dollars coming in. Then they see you scrolling your phone and answering messages when you’re supposed to be present with the kids. If they see all that for no financial gain and just a net loss of time and focus away from the family, are they actually hating? Or are you causing it without realizing it?

Most of the time, lack of spousal support can be changed by shifting your focus. Meaning, instead of sharing what’s not working in your business and the frustrations you see, share the wins and how you love it and how it lights you up. That would change their opinion, wouldn’t it? Then when you’re with them, be fully present, so they don’t feel like they’re losing you, and have structured business hours that you stick to, that would change their opinion too, wouldn’t it! You can change your spousal support most of the time.

But sometimes, when it comes to both types of haters, you’re gonna get it either way. So how do you deal with both loving haters and hurting haters? A few ways.

1.) Realize that most of the time, haters come into your life when they’re hurting or if you going after your dreams is poking a nerve in regards to what they value that they’re not going after themselves. So we need to have compassion and realize that mean people, are hurting. Please put this in your notes: Hurt people, hurt people. So what if you took the higher road? What if you chose compassion in those moments instead of defense? What if you extended love when they extended hate? Wouldn’t their opinion of you change? Would it increase the intensity of the situation or decrease? Decrease!

2.) Set your intentions. If you know you’re about to walk into the room with an emotionally unstable person, set your intentions for how you’re going to respond before you walk in. Anticipation is power. And if you get reactive in the moment, it doesn’t go well, does it? But instead, if you’re proactive before the moment, the game will change.

3.) Stop trying to correct haters. All it does is bring you down to their level and creates more hatred from the people that you could be helping. Because of them seeing you be an inspiration by taking the higher road, they see you sinking down to the hater’s level and getting into a pissing match that you don’t control. Don’t play defense with haters. Sure, if someone is badmouthing your name to everyone you know, then yes, action should be taken. But when these little comments happen, it’s a waste of your time to try and correct their opinion. It’s a waste of your mental energy to focus on it.

4.) Love them. Think about haters like a puppy that bites you. It hurts, but you know the intention isn’t to cause pain. Most haters aren’t hateful people. They’re hurting people. So have some love. Those puppy teeth will eventually go away, and they’ll learn not to bite. But that’ll happen when you love them even though they bite ya.

And overall, haters can teach you a very valuable lesson. It means you’re doing something right. It means you have a mission that you’re trying to fulfill. Because to start any business, you’re going against the status quo. You’re not doing the average. And to succeed in your field, you need a completely different way of thinking than most people have.

Remember, most people don’t choose your field. Most people aren’t entrepreneurs. Most people don’t need to adopt the mindsets that you do. So if you’re getting haters, it means that you’re being noticed. It means that you’re making noise. It means that you’re causing a ruckus. Because you’re challenging the way people think. And that’s why you’ll succeed.

Because if you don’t challenge the way people think, you can’t create change. Most people will respond to you challenging the way they think positively. Some won’t. And that’s okay. So just remember that if you’re getting haters, it’s a sign that you’re playing big enough.

And if you’re not getting haters, step up a little more. Play a little bigger. Share that message a little bolder. If you’ve never gotten haters, it’s likely (not always, but likely) a sign that you play it safe. And you can’t create your dreams by playing it safe.

Welcome haters. They’re a good thing. They cause you to exercise higher levels of character. They cause you to reflect on your mission. They cause you to be the bigger person.

And please remember: your job isn’t to get everyone to like you. Not everyone will like you. Your job is to find the people that need your message and focus on serving them. That’s it!

So I hope you took a lot away from this podcast today! Share it. Screenshot this and share it on your Instagram stories! Share it with your team. And if it’s really helping you, head to iTunes and give it a rating and review. We can get this great content in the hands of more people!

Thank you for tuning into The Path To Mindset Mastery today! My name is Brad Bizjack! Go out there today and every day and live your life with a genuine smile on your face regardless of what anyone else says.

See you next week!