Hurt People Hurt People! Navigating Pain Caused By Loved Ones

Hurt people... hurt people.

Have you ever been deeply hurt by someone extremely close to you? I have... multiple times. I know what it's like to crave love from someone and never feel like anything I do is enough. It feels like their love is conditional upon me living up to their unrealistic expectations/ always at their beck and call. They have no idea about what's going on in your life because they're too focused on all the things wrong with theirs.

It's toxic.
It's draining.
It hurts.

And then you feel guilty for distancing yourself, right? You feel like you're a terrible person for protecting your energy. And then you start getting the phone calls... the text messages:

"
- I expected more out of you.
- You're a disappointment.
- Keep trying to live your perfect life.
- One day this will come back to haunt you.
"

This type of thing used to SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF ME. Because I faced it ALL THE TIME.

It would drain me for days. And when I faced it, it came off in everything I did. I couldn't help people. I'd stop eating healthy. I'd just find myself on the couch binge watching Netflix feeling sorry for myself.

And on the one hand, I want sympathy from people. I want Janiece to tell me it was gonna be okay and that I'm strong.

On the other hand, I want to be strong and not need sympathy.

If you can relate to this, I want to share how I broke through this immense feeling of GUILT and ENERGY SUCK and stopped letting it affect me.
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1.) I realized it was a cry for help.

It's NOT a reflection on you (unless you're actually being shitty). The death grip they're trying to hold you with is them merely saying, "PLEASE help me." It's a cry for help.

2.) I stopped trying to correct them.

Have you ever noticed that in the times you DO get on the phone, you're trying to use logic and reason, and it's going in one ear and out the other? Like they don't even hear you. You want to correct them SO bad because it makes you feel superior. When I stopped trying to fix them, MY energy was protected.

3.) I significantly limited time exposure.

Energy from other people is REAL. And even if you're the most positive person (unless you've experienced true enlightenment lol), negative people WILL suck you dry. You're the average of the 5 people you spend time with, right? Limiting exposure keeps me positive. LOVE your family. PICK your peer group.

4.) Surround yourself with people that uplift you.

It's REALLY HARD to feel shitty when the people around you feel fantastic. Your peer group is the board of directors to your life and are a pretty damn close reflection of how you feel about yourself. If you choose wisely, negativity is a distant part of your past. Turn to those who uplift you.

5.) Have compassion.

You can never love someone if you're judging them. And it's effortless to judge the person that hurts you. But if you can have some empathy and realize they are just TRULY hurting, then choose compassion over judgment, they don't feel like YOUR love is conditional upon them changing. That's huge. Be the bigger person and give them compassion and love even when it's hard. It's the right thing to do.

6.) Upgrade from the word, "but" to the word, "and."

Think of how this sounds: "I love you, but you're always so negative so I'm not coming over." It's basically saying that you'll actually love them WHEN they stop being negative. Now try this: "I love you, AND I'm gonna stay home with my wife tonight." COMPLETELY DIFFERENT VIBE. Upgrading to the word "and" makes a massive difference in your language.

7.) The hardest one: FORGIVE.

May I suggest Tony Robbin's "Unleash The Power Within" Seminar? That program changed my life and allowed me to forgive someone who deeply hurt me. Another great resource for this is my blog post called, "How To Stop Dwelling On The Past" - It's SUPER helpful! 

Resentment doesn't make the other person feel worse about what they did. Bitterness only holds you back from greatness. Forgiveness is a HUGE key to success. It's a tool. Learn the skill of forgiveness and your life will change. And TRUST ME: I get that you don't want to forgive. I didn't either. It's WAY more comfortable to be angry...... IN THE MOMENT. But it's WAY easier to forgive long term.
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Bottom line: You went through these experiences for a reason.

They're making you stronger. Stop resenting them. They're guiding you to living a more positive life.

MY LIFE CHANGED WHEN I BECAME GRATEFUL FOR MY PAIN.

Your life will too. Promise.

If you found this post valuable, make sure you check out my other post about "How To Stop Dwelling On Your Past" - It's EXTREMELY helpful! 

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