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How To Make Marriage Easy

Dec 14, 2020
 

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Summary:

  • What makes relationships fall apart
  • Wisdom from TV series “Parks and Recreation” 
  • Understanding polarity
  • Give vs. Get Mindset
  • The problem with 50/50 Relationships
  • Check your vibration! 
  • #BringYourFeelings 
  • Watch the video for the full training!

Transcript:

Society tells us that marriage has to be hard and is something you need to fight for. It's a classic bit of cultural conditioning! However, if you have the right set of principles and the right philosophy, Marriage is easy!

This training is for EVERYONE in a romantic relationship and isn't restricted to marriage. In this course we will cover how marriage can become easy with the three following steps:

  1. What makes marriage and relationships fall apart?
  2. How to fix it!
  3. The big challenges that come up in relationships that you need to be aware of

Before we go into the content, I would like to cover the common objections I get to this coaching session:

  • You don't understand MY situation, my situation is hard/harder
  • You don't understand MY spouse, he/she is impossible!
  • You don't have kids, you don't understand!

Firstly, I do now have kids - Lily was born in September this year but at the time of this recording she wasn't yet born. However, it doesn't matter either way, as the content of this video isn't my own! It is the teaching of Tony Robbins and other successful high-performance coaches and teachers who have kids themselves and have seen results from this training.

1. What makes relationships fall apart?

Relationships do not fall apart from a lack of love - they fall apart from a lack of attraction or polarity, (think magnets!) Couples push each other away!

For this lesson, I am going to use examples of male and female "energy". However, this is not specific to gender roles but allows me to use examples more easily. 

What does male energy typically do to female energy to push them away?

  1. They make them feel unseen - they don't notice the small things, the efforts they make on a daily basis and they don't give them enough attention to these things.
  2. They make them feel misunderstood - too often men are obsessed with solving a problem when they really only need to lend an ear. Acknowledging and empathizing with emotions, hardships, and feelings is often forgotten. 
  3. They make them feel "unsafe' - this one sounds worse than it sounds, but in essence, I mean standing up for a partner and them knowing they have you around to fight their corner.

What does female energy do to male energy to push them away?

  1. Criticizing or coaching
  2. Closing off and not communicating - closing off to someone will only push your partner away into different things
  3. Controlling what they do

Tony Robbin's Five Relationship Stressors

  1. Loss of Polarity
  2. Emotional Stacking - Tony Robbins - The 4 R's
    Resistance - Those small things you should say something about but you don't 
    Resentment - An intensified version of resistance, this is the next stage once resistance becomes a frequent part of a relationship. 
    Rejection - When you begin to push your spouse away and no matter what they say or do will frustrate you.
    Regression - This is the final stage that the others ultimately lead to. It is the result of not making any changes when experiencing the other 3 R's and it causes indifference to your partner. It is dangerous territory and can lead to the third relationship stressor...
  3. Loss of physical activity
  4. Loss of commitment - this doesn't always mean straight up cheating, but it means finding your energy in other things
  5. A story of incompatibility - this is the stage where you have build a consistent story in your mind about why your spouse isn't a good fit. Where you constantly tell your friends about the annoying things they do, and when you feel like nothing you can do can solve the issues you have. THIS is the stage that causes people to tell me why I can't help them. They believe it is over because they have told themselves this story over and over again. 

2. How to Fix it

I have good news for you...

It only takes ONE person to save a marriage or relationship! That's right, ONE! If they are committed to taking 100% responsibility for it, even the things that aren't fair.

What about cheating you ask? Yes, cheating too. Whilst you can't obviously take responsibility for what your partner might have done, you can take responsibility for what you are doing about it going forward.

Think about it, if you take 50% responsibility for you job or anything else in your life, it is destined to be mediocre.

Give vs Get Mindset - Tony Robbins, Date with Destiny

There are three types of relationship, One-dimensional (1D), Two-dimensional (2D) and Three Dimensional (3D)

1D - This is a relationship where you get your needs met but you are only focused on yourself and what you are getting.

2D - A 50:50 relationship = a recipe for roommates. Where you will only give love if you are shown, love. It is a losing proposition.

3D - Where your fulfillment comes from meeting their needs. The by-product of this is usually that they also want to make your life better! Think about the beginning of a relationship when you were courting - your objective was to make their life better so they would accept you as a partner - you marketed yourself!

The focus changed from what you were GIVING to what you were GETTING.

3. The Big challenges

Check your vibration! Another huge factor in relationships is the energy you bring to the table, as it also affects and rubs off on your partner. The key is not to match your partner's energy, but to increase it. I challenge you to think about what your relationship would be like with high energy? One person bringing energy to a relationship can make it thrive and prime it to work. This useful quotation from  Wayne Dyer, "Live in the feelings of your wishes,"  reminds us that your emotions are not a byproduct of what happens in your life, they are what you bring to your life.

Expectation, like energy, is also a problem. One of my favourite quotes is "Trade your expectations for appreciations and your life will change instantly," and this could not be more true for relationships. The things you criticise your partner for are things you would probably automatically do if you didn't expect them to do it. Remember: Requests give the direction for love, demands stop the flow of love."

I'll see you next week.

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