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The Perfection-Guilt Loop

Jan 18, 2021
 

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Summary:  

  • The impossible moving target
  • Correcting habits vs. changing identities
  • The “Crazy 8s”
  • 3 Ways to change our state
  • Standards of perfection vs. outstanding standards
  • Watch the video for the full training!

Sparknotes:

Welcome to The Path To Mindset Mastery! My name is Brad Bizjack! I’m a mindset strategist and coach, inspirational speaker, and creator of Appreciation Academy. I help people to elevate their relationships, career, and mindset to the next level.

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Perfection is the lowest standard we can have for our lives because it is impossible to meet. Best case scenario = If you succeed as a perfectionist, you don't feel like you are enough. Worst case scenario = You feel guilty because you are unable to start something that will fall below "perfect" standards. Today we are going to talk about how you can break through the Perfection-Guilt Loop.

Is your feeling of worthiness and self-esteem based on more? 

More sales? More money? More people in your network? If so, it is likely that your feeling of fulfillment is a moving target. In other words, it doesn't water what you achieve, it will never be enough, and you'll never truly live in fulfillment.

When you label yourself as a perfectionist, it becomes part of your identity and, "There is no stronger force in the human personality than staying consistent with who you already think you are." However, if you identify the disempowering habits of being a perfectionist, you can change them.

Perfectionism is typically followed by and associated with guilt. It is a mindset that a lot of people have but do not realize. It is characterized by a need to do everything right which surpasses other important, (if not the most important things) in life such as family and physical health. In the Perfection - Guilt Loop we live in a state of mind (perfectionism) until our human nervous system cannot handle the stress of this state, and we reach the arrow in the middle. It is at the bottom of this arrow that we experience state-changing, comforting activities such as overeating, procrastinating, endless TV, overspending, etc, and it is usually after these activities that we experience feelings of guilt. Usually, there is a sense that you have violated a personal standard, and that's when we head straight back into the Perfection loop, and the cycle goes on.

To break this cycle, we need to move away from a standard of perfection and move towards a standard of outstanding. What's the difference? The problem with perfectionism is there isn't room for mistakes, which means you don't learn or grow. To be outstanding, however, you have to fail, because results come from experience, experience usually comes from a result of bad judgement in the past and learning from it.

We also need to make changes to our physiology, language and our focus, here's why:

1. Physiology
How we use our body determines the biochemistry in emotions. Emotions don't happen to us - we do them and are responsible for them. When we are feeling down, we need to create a radical change in our physiology - do ten jumping jacks, force yourself to laugh hysterically, dance around your room like nobody is watching to your favourite feel-good tune. Fake it until you make it.

2. Focus

Whatever you focus on, you feel. If you focus on what is missing - what do you feel? If you focus on what you are grateful for - what do you feel? Is there a difference in focusing on what you can control over what you can't? YES. Your focus is your reality, even if it's not the reality in actuality. 

3. Mind your language!

The words you use to describe your experiences define your experiences. Take these phrases:

" I'm at the end of my rope."

 "I'm held together by a rope of fate."

They are saying the same thing but the mood they create is totally different. This is called transformational vocabulary.

Try these three things to break your perfection-guilt loop or any other disempowering loop for that matter, it can be any of your favourite flavours of suffering, e.g sadness-anger.

Whoopsie! This video was made when our January plans were slightly different. It was before we had hatched our ingenious plan The Success Accelerator: A 10-day Mindset Challenge and had planned a regular webinar instead. The mindset challenge covers all same things we talk about in this Vlog and you can sign up here. Hurry - it starts today.

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