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Poisonous Apologies

Sep 30, 2020
 

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Summary:

  • How to break away from poisonous apologies to yourself and others
  • The difference between self-love and seeking validation
  • Why you’re awesome (and me!)
  • Why your “compassion” is actually enabling bad behavior
  • How to start practicing self-love
  • Watch the video for the full training!
  • If you’ve ever caught yourself apologizing unnecessarily (and repeatedly), then this training will break your bad habit for good! 

Transcript:

I'm so excited because I’m going to teach you a life skill and a coaching skill that will help you, (not only with your clients but with your self-worth!) This will help your clients get to where they want to be so much faster AND get you where you want to be in your life so much faster! It's a game-changer!

Welcome to The Path To Mindset Mastery! My name is Brad Bizjack! I’m a Mindset Strategist and Coach, inspirational speaker, and creator of Appreciation Academy and I help online business owner’s breakthrough all the negative self-talk holding you back from your dreams so you can finally see the success you deserve! This is the weekly spot to break through everything that’s holding you back from the life you really want!

“I’m sorry.”

If you are like a lot of my clients, then you consistently apologize for things that you do not necessarily need to apologize for.

“I’m sorry you are struggling with that…”

“I’m sorry you went through that…”

Honestly, you are just seeking validation.

Am I enough?

Every time you apologize, you are really just asking… Am I enough?

Am I enough for you?

Let me ask you… if you were in a relationship with someone that consistently asked you…

Am I enough for you to love me?

Am I enough for you to love me?

Am I enough for you to love me?

Wouldn’t you eventually grow tired of their need for validation? Their lack of self-confidence?

They would be creating the life that they didn’t want by driving people away.

WRITE THIS DOWN: External validation only comes after internal validation.

WRITE THIS DOWN (TOO): Love/Time = Worth

So, if you're denied love (maybe by your parents or someone growing up) or you stop giving it to yourself for a period of time, you're going to have lower self-worth (you’re craving love).

What is the antidote? Self-Love!

Practicing self-love is the biggest key to not needing validation.

I wanted people to approve of me. I wanted them to approve of my ideas, my religion, me going after big things. It wasn’t a fun way to live!

So, I started writing down (every day when I woke up and every day when I went to bed).

5 Reasons I Am Amazing! (I know it's cheesy, but IT WORKS!)

You are AMAZING and you’re worth writing it down!

There's nothing wrong with saying “I'm awesome.” You need to believe in yourself! The way to increase your self-worth is to condition self-love over the course of time and reward yourself for it. After you write down why you’re awesome, each day you’ll see all the reasons and every day there will be different reasons. Reading these to yourself will help you internalize your amazing-ness. Whenever you find yourself doubting who you are and your worth, look over your list!

When you stop needing validation you have a higher sense of confidence and then you stop apologizing!

You will stop saying “Please, love me!” “Please, love me!”

Your validation should only come from yourself, your self-confidence. You must practice self-love over the course of time, and this will change everything for you!

Love is something you do. It's not just something you get.

I stopped saying to my clients… “I’m so sorry you’re going through that.” Or “I’m so sorry you’re struggling with that.” I only say it when there’s been a loss or a tragedy in their life because then I truly am sorry for their pain and what they’re going through, but if they’re struggling with their business or being disciplined or anything else, they don’t need to hear “I’m sorry” because you’re actually rewarding someone for living in a problem.

“I’m sorry” gives sympathy for having a problem. When you give sympathy for having a problem, you're rewarding them. You are causing them to be addicted to their problems. It's basically saying if they have a problem, they will receive love. That's what they're hearing! If I have a significant problem, I will receive love from people (from my coach, from my sponsor, etc).

What you need to do as a leader is get them to focus on the solution. Instead, get them to change their state, change their focus instead of apologizing for what’s going on with them. Help them focus on the solution!

There is a time and a place for apologizing, but they are rare. Use them wisely and when appropriate. If something significant happens in someone's life, that is really tough- apologize… Absolutely! There is nothing wrong with that, but when you are focusing on just apologizing to either seek validation or to make sure that your client feels loved…nope. Don’t do it!

Help them find the solution! That is how you will actually serve them!

My name is Brad Bizjack.

Remember to go out there today and every day and live your life with a genuine smile on your face. You are literally one mindset shift away from doing that. I'll see you next week!


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