Welcome to the path to mindset mastery! My name is Brad Bizjack! I’m a mindset strategist and coach, inspirational speaker, and creator of the online mindset course, Appreciation Academy which helps you get UNSTUCK in all parts of your life, silence negative self-talk, and finally, see the success you deserve! And my mission is straightforward: I’m on a mission to help online business owners break through all the limiting beliefs and negative voices holding them back from their dreams, and more importantly happiness.
I’m curious - Do you ever notice that you’re never quite satisfied? Even if you achieve a goal, you’re always on a quest for what’s next? And you’re looking for that place when you can just sit there and feel totally at peace, totally relaxed, totally calm, like you made it?
But even when you achieve a goal, a new problem shows up, right? If you start making more money, you begin to worry more about taxes. If you finally start dating, you begin to worry about loss. If you start a business, you have to deal with risk. It’s like you’re going every single day with this constant desire to avoid pain. And then when you finally solve a problem, more opportunities for pain show up in your life.
You always think that once you’re happy, this will be easier. Or even worse, you think that you’ll be happy once you accomplish something. But both of those are false, aren’t they?
I spent most of my adult life believing that I’d be happy WHEN something else happened. I thought that I’d be happy WHEN I achieved that elite title in my business. I thought that I’d be happy WHEN I got my business off the ground and started making money. I’d be happy WHEN I had hundreds of thousands of dollars in the bank. And what was so interesting about this is that whenever I lived my life that way, I was less motivated and suffered MORE. And I didn’t achieve my goals.
I made a critical mistake that so many people make. I believed 2 significant myths about life.
1.) I believed that happiness was something external that could be achieved.
2.) I thought that happiness meant I was without pain.
Happiness is an inside job. It’s something you bring to every situation. It’s something you feel within you. And it’s a way of life. Today is all about WELCOMING PAIN INTO YOUR LIFE FOREVER.
In life, you’re going to experience pain. It’s coming without a single doubt. There will be pain. And for the sake of this podcast, let’s use the term PAIN and PROBLEM synonymously. Our job in life is to opening experience pain which not falling into a place of absolute suffering.
I learned from multiple mentors that pain in life is guaranteed. Suffering from that pain is a choice.
But something we don’t often understand is that life itself is sometimes a form of pain. Every day, you experience some sort of problem, right? And what would happen if you solved all your problems in your life? You’d be bored out of your damn mind. So we need problems for motivation and inspiration. We NEED them. But we don’t need to suffer emotionally from them. That’s the sweet spot.
Everyone experiences problems (or pain).
If you’re living on the street, you’re experiencing financial problems, yes?
Well, if you find a home or a job, and you’re getting back on your feet, you’re still experiencing some sort of problems, they’re just less shitty.
And if you’re well off, you still experience problems, they’re just less shitty.
So my point in all of this is that EVERYONE will have problems. You need to stop resisting problems when they come up.
Have you ever notice you do that whenever a problem comes up? You push it away and say that you shouldn’t feel that way? Well, what happens? Does the intensity get higher or lower? Higher! And do you suffer more or less? More! And does that solve the problem or make it worse? Makes it worse. So we actually make our problems harder on ourselves by saying they shouldn’t be there.
Your problems are required to experience life. Pain is inevitable. It’s coming. But when you resist your pain, you start suffering. And suffering is an unresourceful, victim-minded state that keeps you stuck in the same spot. And if that hit a little bit too close to home, it means you’re probably suffering instead of agreeing with me.
So let’s talk about happiness. Are problems in your life required to feel happiness? ABSOLUTELY. 100% they are. Because they are not a bad thing. In fact, you probably won’t feel happy unless you’re making progress on solving a problem. Because what happens the minute all your problems go away? You feel like you have no purpose. There’s no drive.
So you need to stop putting your happiness elsewhere. It’s not based on your rank. It’s not based on your title. It’s not based on your spouse. It’s not based on a bank account. Your happiness isn’t something external that you achieve. It’s not an equation you solve.
If you’re dissatisfied with where you are and will only be happy with what you don’t have, isn’t that miserable?
In fact, you need constant problems (also known as challenges) in you to feel happy. And once you understand that pain is a necessary component of happiness, then you stop pushing away pain and you start learning from it. All the pain you experience is a message for you. It’s guiding you. It’s trying to help you.
Because just like Mark Manson says, “The greatest truths of life are often the most unpleasant to hear.” That’s a form of pain.
And pain is SO useful. But when you resist it, you suffer. Pain is how we inspire change. We are biologically wired to learn from pain.
Let’s go to the most basic example. Physical pain. Back in college, my buddy Jim and I were drunk coming back from the bars, and we threw a Jack’s pizza into the oven. Well in Jim's drunken state, he reached into the oven and pulled out the grate with no oven mitts. And what happened? He experienced major pain. In fact, not only did it hurt really badly at that moment, but it also hurt when he sobered up. He had a nice burn mark on his wrist. And it sucked. Well, that was his body’s way of giving him a signal, basically saying, “Yo dude! Don’t touch hot shit!” – it was his body’s way of warning him, right?
So would you agree that the pain was teaching him a lesson of what’s smart vs. not smart?
Well, the thing about pain is that you feel it psychologically too. And your brain registers similar feelings. If you experience negative emotions, that’s your brain giving you a signal. It’s a good thing to experience some forms of anxiety and sadness from time to time. Because it teaches you something.
Society says, “you should attempt to have this unattainable life of no pain whatsoever.” But that stops you from getting any feedback that leads you to a better life.
I’m not saying once you experience pain, you should keep experiencing it. I’m saying that it will always come around. You don’t keep your hand on a hot stove. But you listen to the message so you can grow.
The point is simple: Problems in your life will never stop. They just get a little easier.
If you’re failing in your business, you experience pain by failing, yes? Well, what happens when you figure your business out? You probably experience the pain of dealing with people and leadership, right? And what happens if you figure out the leadership stuff? You experience the pain of being unrelatable to new people? And what happens if you figure out that stuff and you’re making millions of dollars? You experience the pain of giving away an ass ton of money to taxes.
My point is simple: Problems never go away. They just get lighter. And by solving one problem, you’re actually opening up the gateway to other problems.
Just like Jim Rohn says, “Don’t wish it were easier. Wish you were better. Don’t wish for fewer problems. Wish for more skills.”
So stop hoping your problems go away. A life without problems is suffering. Because whatever you resist persists. Avoiding your problems equals absolute misery.
Because if you pretend you don’t have problems and everything is perfect (and by the way, you’re talking to someone that did that), then you feel okay at the moment, but you end up craving validation, totally lack confidence, and you hide how you feel so you never solve the shit you’re dealing with. And if you believe that your problems are unsolvable (which objectively is bullshit), then you’re just pissed off all the time. You’re lonely. You’re helpless. And you feel there’s no way out. This is the victim approach to life.
And since problems are the same thing as pain. If you avoid pain, you get suffering. And suffering is optional.
Tony Robbins says, “Progress equals happiness.” Well, you can’t make progress unless you have something to solve. So solving problems in your life equal happiness.
So how do you live this on an emotional level? We’ve talked about concrete problems, like building a business or helping a marriage or touching a hot stove.
But how do you solve the pain of your emotions? This is where freedom lies. Because your life is in direct proportion to the quality of your feelings on a second to second basis. Like I said, pain is guaranteed. You’re going to experience negative emotions. It’s coming. But if you don’t resist that pain, your feelings get better much more quickly.
So what are emotions? Emotions are just life’s way of giving a message. That’s it. They’re feedback saying, “yo this is probably a good call!” Or “yo stop friggin doing this!”
If you feel sad, your brain is telling you there’s something unresolved that you need to dive into. And if you avoid that pain, what happens? It gets worse. And this goes for any negative emotion. Depression. Sadness. Anger. Fear. Jealousy. All of them are calls to action. That’s it! If you feel them, it means you’re supposed to DO SOMETHING. But most people just think that’s who they are. And that’s bullshit. Negative emotions are just a call to action for your life. So stop denying them. Stop wishing they weren’t there. They’re helping you. Stop squandering one of life’s most significant resources.
And on the contrary, what are positive emotions? They’re rewards for going in the right direction and doing the right shit.
I used to teach people that happiness is something you can feel every second of every day. And I was wrong. Happiness is something you can feel MOST of every day, but not all. Because if you don’t have problems to solve, or pain to learn from, you can’t feel happiness regularly. This is one of the great paradoxes of life.
Pain leads to happiness, which leads to more pain.
Your job is to stop resisting that fundamental truth.
Stop denying how you feel. Play this scenario out with me.
If you’re struggling the emotion of anxiety, and you say to yourself, “I shouldn’t feel anxious,” what happens to that anxiety? Does it get better or worse? Worse. And does that make it harder to solve your problem or easier? Harder. And if you don’t solve your problem, you resist the anxious emotion even more, correct? And soon enough, you’re anxious about being anxious. And you’re probably laughing, going holy shit that’s me!”
But if you’re struggling with the emotion of anxiety, and you say to yourself, “interesting. I’m feeling anxious. What’s this telling me about my life right now?” does the emotion get lighter or heavier? Lighter. And are you more likely to solve your problem or less likely? More likely! So does the emotion last longer or does it go away pretty quickly? It goes away really fast!
So the key to making negative emotions not last as long is to stop making them wrong and start listening to them as a beautiful way to improve your life.
When you do that, game over. Life becomes much easier.
So remember – happiness is NOT something you achieve. It’s something you live. And it comes by making progress on problems. And when you make progress on problems by listening to the emotions and not resisting the problems, you solve it, and you open up the door to newer, less intense issues. So happiness is a direct result of listening to your pain.
And when you do that, you no longer suffer. You finally feel fully alive every day because you don’t make your emotions wrong anymore!
And we just BARELY scratched the surface. This is so top level. If this is something that you KNOW you need help mastering, I encourage you to enroll in Appreciation Academy. It’s life-changing. It’ll help you finally understand how you tick and get unstuck in every area of your life.
It’s truly beautiful, and it will make such a lasting impact. So if you know there’s something in your heart stopping you from feeling genuine happiness regularly, head to www.appreciationacademy.com and enroll today, and join the hundreds of people completely changing their outlook on life. You will not regret it. Again that’s www.appreciationacademy.com.
Again my name is Brad Bizjack. It’s a privilege to serve you. Share this episode with people that you know it can help today! Share it on your Instagram stories and enroll in Appreciation Academy!
And go out there today and every day and live your life with a genuine smile on your face. Because you can. I’ll see you next week!