Have you ever felt like going after your dreams gets INSTANT resistance from your spouse? This blog post will help you communicate in a MUCH better way and teach you how to successfully navigate the waters of "My spouse doesn't support my business."
This post is in 2 parts.
Part 1 is for the business owner.
Part 2 is for the spouse of the business owner.
Goal: Help you to get on the same team and build your business TOGETHER, with love.
The slightest feeling of your spouse questioning you feels like the world's going to end. They say, "Wait... Do we really have the money to do that? Have we really thought it through?" And you immediately get defensive!
But think about this: If your best friend or mentor asked the same question, would you respond in the same way? Absolutely not.
Realize he/she absolutely loves you. They merely want to protect you from pain.
EXAMPLE: With our business, the price point of my flagship course "Appreciation Academy" was half of what it is now. I wanted to increase the price - correction, I wanted to DOUBLE the price because I felt the value was definitely there. Since we had no success at the lower rate, Janiece thought it was a horrible idea. The only reason she said that is because she doesn't want to see me get hurt. She didn't want to see me go through all the pressure of trying to build a business and not have it work. THAT is why she said those things.
So just realize that your spouse is scared. They're trying to hold onto you. They don't want to see you hurt. They love you. They friggin' married you! Love them for caring so much. Love them for wanting to protect you. You can't love your spouse if you're judging them. So love them instead.
To them, every leap of faith feels like you're pouring your heart and soul into something that is eventually going to hurt you (especially if they're very risk-averse (likely)). So what can you specifically do to make this situation easier?
It's a HUGE help. Include your spouse in your business. Ask them for advice. Help them feel valued and included in all of the time you're spending away from them.
Put yourself in their shoes: If your business is struggling to get off the ground, most of what you tell them is probably a frustration of why it's not working. So in their mind, they're going, "WHY ARE YOU FREAKING STILL DOING THIS!?" Instead, what if you started including them on the WINS? Share the person you helped with your fitness product. Share the post you created that inspired 100 people today! Share the 50 dollars you earned through changing someone's life. They'll see you EXCITED instead of frustrated!
Share the freedom you want to create for your spouse. Help them understand why this is so important to you. Help your spouse picture their life a couple years down the road. Include them in the deep, passionate reason you're doing this.
Give them a sense of ownership. Help them to care about how it turns out! They'll feel PART of your business.
SO IMPORTANT: Give them time where you can truly focus on your relationship and be 100% present. Put the phone, MacBook, and anything else away to be with your family AWAY from your business. Remember that your spouse doesn't want to lose you. I guarantee this is going to help because they're going to feel like they still have you.
Keeping this simple: Their tune will change when you start to make money. A steady paycheck paired with fully present time is beautiful.
This might be hard: In my opinion, even if your spouse doesn't agree, do what you know is right anyway. Remember that most of their views are based on fear, not based on a mentor's advice. They're trying to protect you. Even if it's tough, do the right thing for your business anyways. Remember that price increase I told you about? I did it anyways when Janiece didn't agree. It was THE BEST THING I could have done for my business. People started taking it seriously! She was so thrilled!
They probably have no idea they're hurting you. In your spouse's mind, they're protecting you. Give them a request about a new behavior they can instill. Don't DEMAND it. Request it. Requests give direction to love. Demands stop the flow of love. Share how it makes you feel when they respond the way they do. Help them see it from your perspective.
Step into the common sense corner for a second. If you're a business owner, you probably love risk, adventure, and uncertainty. Since opposites attract, your spouse most likely DOES NOT. Building a business is a tornado of change. It's high risk. And it takes a LONG TIME before you get any reward for your hard work. So have some empathy and put yourself in their shoes. They're probably scared shitless. They probably just need to hear that you have their back. They probably just need to understand that you're going to make sure they're taken care of. Help them feel secure. They value certainty way more than you probably do. To them, their security and certainty are being threatened by the person they love most. Give them words of security.
Let's switch things up. We've talked about empathy and compassion as the business owner, but what about the spouse of the business owner? There are a few key things you can do to help the communication flow more smoothly!
Realize that your business-owning spouse NEEDS support more than ever right now. They don't need nagging. They need love. They are doing one of the hardest things they've ever done in their life. So when their "rock" dissolves into dust and judges them and complains and nags, you're causing them so much pain. Give them SUPPORT, not COMPLAINT.
Realize that building a business takes WORK. Especially in the first few years. It's a tornado of long hours, high risk, and uncertainty. Your business-owning spouse's value of uncertainty and adventure is JUST AS STRONG as your need for security and certainty. Understand where THEY are coming from and see it through their eyes - not just yours.
If you're anti-risk, you're probably wondering why they aren't making money and why they're spending so much time away from you. Tough love: When you're spending your time judging your partner for going against your expectations of them, here's what's simultaneously going on in their mind:
"What can I do to provide an amazing life for my family? How can I give my spouse MORE out of this life? How can I step so far out of my comfort zone to create a dream life? I know this is scary. I know this takes risk. But a better life is SO freaking worth it.".
You're thinking "stay safe."
They're thinking, "create freedom for my family."
If your spouse is going to build a business, sacrifices need to be made. They're probably building a business on top of another job. If you think you're stressed out as the spouse of a business owner, how do you think they feel? Here's what they're going through:
Give them a break. Give them a hug.
They need to hear that you believe in them without it being followed by a complaint or worry. Your spouse just needs to understand that you think they can do it.
Right now, you're the person they're working so hard for. And YOU are the person that's complaining the most about it. That might be hard to hear. But I hope it brings clarity to the situation.
You crave a guarantee. You want certainty. In business, a guarantee of success is impossible. There's no such thing. Realize that certainty can be found in faith. Certainty can be found by just trusting and having blind faith in the person that loves you most. Have faith that they won't steer you wrong. Have faith that they'll make it work.
As the spouse of a business owner, when you act this way, you'll light your spouse on FIRE again. And when your spouse is on fire, they'll create results FASTER.
All of this boils down to communication.
Include them, share why, be present, request, have compassion and empathy.
Have empathy, find faith, give undying support, and believe in them.
This is the recipe for a successful relationship through business. It's beautiful when you both work as a team. This is how your business can fire on 100 cylinders. You'll start building a dream TOGETHER.
I thought that Janiece didn't support me for the LONGEST time. It wasn't true. She always supported me. She was just afraid.
Business owners, your spouse loves you. They want you to be successful. I promise.
If your relationship is challenging right now, I highly encourage you to check out my love and intimacy training called, "Undying Passion." It's a GAME CHANGER. It's all about how Janiece and I have built a beautiful relationship, supported each other through business, and increased SO much passion through the years we've been together. Check out "UNDYING PASSION" today!
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