Welcome to The Path To Mindset Mastery! My name is Brad Bizjack! I’m a mindset strategist and coach, inspirational speaker, and creator of Appreciation Academy and I’m on a mission to help online business owners silence the negative self-talk holding them back from their biggest dreams, so you can finally see the success you deserve.
And I’m curious? Do you ever get frustrated with people that seem so positive? Or do you ever use happiness and positivity as a coping mechanism to numb the pain of your failures or what you’re going through? Like you pretend everything is wonderful all the time when it’s really not? And does it ever lead to you feeling like an imposter or a fraud? It almost seems fake sometimes to be positive. Pretending everything is okay when things suck seems counterintuitive right?
And that’s what I used to do. I was going through so much crap that I actually used positivity as a coping mechanism. It was how I shielded myself. I pretended that it doesn’t matter what was happening, I could always be happy. That’s how I used to deal with stuff. And when I did that, people got really pissed off at me because I was so fake. It led me to pretend that my life was perfect.
Have you ever done that? Here’s how I used to do it and tell me if you can relate? On the inside, I was dealing with major frustration because my business wasn’t taking off. I was stressed out about family stuff. I was doing long distance with Janiece at the time. I was in a job that was sucking the soul out of me. But on social media, I pretended I had a perfect life!
I’d post hashtags like “life by design” – then I’d post a picture about all the free vacations I’d go on with my company, and I just made everything seem so amazing all the time, but on the inside, I was so stuck and so frustrated and didn’t know where to go next.
Want to know what it caused with the people that were following me on my social media? Envy and anger. Not inspiration. Because I didn’t talk about what was really going on. People’s bullshit meters are SO high. They can tell if something isn’t real! They can tell if you’re just trying to put on a show. Have you ever done the sorority girl hip-pop with a big open mouth smile and it’s clearly obvious in the picture that you propped the camera up on a countertop and took 15 versions of that photo to find the one that looked the best? It’s not real, and people can tell.
FAKING positivity isn’t a good idea. USING positivity is a great idea.
So what does that mean?
Well, people are inspired by vulnerability, not bullshit. So, think about what inspires you in my podcast episodes. Is it that I pretend life is jolly and wonderful and like I have it all figured out? Or is it because I always show you the struggles and failures I used to (or still do) go through? Obviously the latter.
Want to know what people are inspired by and build trust through? Being real.
They connect with the fact that you’re going through anxiety and you’re working hard to solve it. Because you know what? They likely are too.
They connect with the fact that you’re filing for bankruptcy after 3 years of a financially successful business. Because you know what? They have money struggles too.
They connect with feeling disempowered and feeling judged by others. Because you know what? They are too.
Most people believe that being positive means, you don’t have problems. That’s bullshit.
There’s a difference between saying you don’t have problems and that everything is always perfect and using positivity as a way to solve your problems.
What sounds more real?
Option A.) Look at my pretty picture with my make-up done perfectly and my kids smiling perfectly, and I’m on a beach, and I use a photo that says “life by design” with some random motivational quote.
Option B.) Do you ever struggle with X? Me too. Here’s what I went through (or am going through). Here’s how I stayed positive during a really tough time. Here’s how I solved or am solving the problem. Here’s what you can do to solve that problem yourself. Insert a great photo of you with a real smile and a quote that inspires you.
Obviously the latter.
Being positive is using your problems as inspiration to help others. Because everyone has problems. The only people that don’t have problems are dead. Literally. If you don’t have problems, you don’t have a life. And by solving one problem, you open up the door to another problem. So problems never go away in your life. You just keep solving more of them. So pretending that they don’t exist is silly because problems are the best gifts you’ve ever received.
Positivity is honesty.
And hear me loud and clear: There’s nothing wrong with feeling pain. I used to teach people that they could be happy whenever they wanted. And I was dead wrong about that. But you can be happy most of the time. Because pain is gonna happen in your life. And if you’re a negative person, that pain is gonna stay in your life, and you’re going to be more likely to pretend you don’t have pain. But if you’re a positive person, you acknowledge your pain, listen to it and solve the problem.
Positivity isn’t about pretending life is perfect. It’s about putting yourself in a resourceful state to solve the problems in your life.
It’s “Ya know what? I’m going through some shit, but I have everything I need to get through it, and I’m so grateful to have such an amazing support system as I crush this challenge.”
So I’d like to give you some tips on how you can be more positive in your life.
So… my friend. Where do you fall on this scale?
Are you very negative and tell the world about all of your problems?
Do you pretend you don’t have problems?
Or do you find the beauty in every problem?
That’s number 1 in how to be more positive.
Because there’s something. No matter how challenging the problem is. There’s something beautiful about it. You just need to search for it. Napoleon Hill said, “Every problem has within it, the seed of equal or greater benefit.” Live that. So when you face problems or pain, the positive way to solve it, is to stop taking the victim approach to life which is, “Why is this always happening to me?” or “Why does this always happen to me?” and start taking the positive approach to life. What’s the positive approach to life? It’s simple. It’s one question. “Why is this happening for me?” See the difference? You believe that problems are a good thing, so you’re more likely to solve them.
Now let me preface this by saying, this isn’t pretending life is perfect. It’s having some perspective and realizing that your most significant problems are other people’s dreams. If you’re stressed about the bank account over-drafting, is that actually a huge problem? No. Wanna know a huge problem? Not having water. Heroin addiction. Losing your child. So have some perspective and realize that your problems are likely someone’s gifts. And if you do have one of those massive problems, go back to step one and find the beauty in the pain. So how do you life up what you do? You command your brain to energize your life. How do you do that? Well when someone asks you how you’re doing, how do you respond? “I’m okay.” “Ugh, I’m so busy.” “Today’s been so hard.” – Does that feel positive? Nope. In fact, it makes people not want to be around you. It attracts people playing life at a lower level. Wanna know how I respond when people ask me how I’m doing? “I’m amazing!” or “I’m fantastic!” – Now, why would I do this if I just said that you shouldn’t pretend life is perfect? Because saying that you’re amazing isn’t pretending that life is perfect. It’s commanding your brain to feel a certain way. If you feel “okay,” are you more or less likely to solve a problem? Less. But if you feel “amazing,” are you more or less likely to solve a problem. More likely! So if you life up what you do, you’re commanding your brain to feel a certain way, you change your emotional state, and you give yourself the resourcefulness to solve the challenges in your life. And from the state of being amazing, can you still have problems, yes or no? Yes, you absolutely can! You’re just gonna solve them faster than someone who is just “okay.” Try it for a week. You’ll be blown away by how your life changes!
Quit making it wrong to feel negative emotions. When you make it a bad thing to feel negative emotions, you’re saying that life should be perfect all the time. And when you feel like you should be somewhere else, you make it wrong to be where you are now. And when it’s wrong to be where you are now, the negative emotions get even worse, don’t they? They compound. And soon, you find yourself pissed off at yourself for being sad. But what would happen if you simply said, “Interesting. I’m feeling angry. Why am I feeling angry?” The emotion isn’t wrong anymore. It’s no longer bad. You can learn something from it. It can give you a valuable lesson. And if you remove the feeling of the emotion being wrong, isn’t it likely to dissipate faster? So being a positive person is being someone who is accepting negative things and uses them as a tool.
And finally number 4. Be vulnerable. What do I mean by that? Well if you’re growing a business or if you have something you need to get through, teach what you’re struggling with. If you’re struggling with positivity, teach people how they can be more positive. Don’t pretend that life is perfect. But share what you’re challenged by, how you’re overcoming, or overcame, it. And share what they can do to improve their lives as well. Can you imagine the community of trust you’d build with your followers if you dared to actually share what you’re going through instead of pretending that life is always great? We all teach what we need to learn most. Think about it. If you’re struggling with confidence, doesn’t it feel so fulfilling to help someone else build their confidence? And from helping someone else build their confidence, what happens to your confidence? It increases. So if you’re vulnerable enough to share the shit you’re actually facing, and how you and others are gonna get through it, you become the beacon of hope and positivity for them. And they want to join you.
Follow these 4 steps. They’ll change your world. Positivity isn’t pretending life is perfect. It’s a tool used to solve your biggest challenges.
It makes your challenges so much easier to solve!
Become a positive person, and your life will change very quickly.
So if you felt something real from this episode or if you know you need to work harder on your own positivity, share this with your team today. Screenshot it and share it in your Instagram stories. Get the word out about this because it’s very powerful. Share it with your whole team and help each of them become more positive people!
And if you’re feeling really inspired, head to my podcast on iTunes and throw a review on there. The better the reviews, the more likely someone is to hear this and be inspired by it. So you and I are helping people change their lives together.
Thank you for tuning into The Path To Mindset Mastery. My name is Brad Bizjack. Share this episode and go out there today and every day and live your life with a genuine smile on your face. Because you can. I’ll see you next week!