Have you ever noticed that the most painful experiences of your life have typically led to beautiful gifts? You would never want to go through the pain again, but when you look back, you’re so glad you did because it led to a beautiful change in your life.
Today, we’re talking about pain and turning it into a puzzle, and how you can take 100% responsibility for every part of your life—including the parts that aren’t your fault—to lead a more fulfilling life.
It all happens in today’s special interview with guest Jill Coleman, the founder of Fitness Business Accelerator and Moderation 364. We begin by discussing Jill’s initial journey to success and what hang ups she needed to let go of to get to where she is:
Jill generously goes on to share advice on the insights and lessons she’s gleaned over the last 13 years:
What advice would you have for someone that is coming into growing some sort of success, and maintaining a level of urgency while also being patient at the same time?
I don’t think you can do both. I also like to use the word intensity over urgency. Urgency infers a level of desperation or anxiety.
There will always be things that will feel stressful, but you decide how long to hang onto those feelings.
Instead, I think you have to relax into your business and realize there’s going to be times you’re pushing and be prepared to manage your energy. Your energy is the most important thing you have to pay attention to because it’s everything. It’s your presence. Your attention. It’s showing up for your clients and team.
I hear people saying they don’t have enough time, but it’s really mental energy. That’s why at Jill Fit we recommend and use a tool called Anchor Actions. They’re three daily behaviors you’re committed to doing regardless of what’s going on in your business that give you energy back.
It's a long game. You have to manage your energy appropriately if you want to have a long, lucrative career.
How would you advise someone dealing with a sense of guilt when it comes to taking care of themselves vs. others or things they need to get done?
I believe it's selfish to not take care of your health in a way that you're not able to show up long term for your people. If you're not taking care of your health, how could you possibly take care of all the other things in your life?
You talked about relaxing into things and your business; How does someone who is consistently stressed let go of it and/or not let it control them as much as it does?
I think that people believe that stress has utility when it comes to being productive. I believe that that's false. I don't think that stress makes you work harder or more productive. In the short term it might help as a motivator, but it’s not good long term. It will do the opposite and make things worse.
My advice, which isn’t easy, is to try and stay as clinical as possible. I have a mantra to help with this. In business, you can see things as a pain or as a puzzle. Puzzles have solutions that you can focus on and break down what’s going on in a more manageable way. That’s not to say you won’t still have points of frustration, but in my opinion, it’s the better path to take.
How is it possible for someone to take 100% responsibility for every single part of their life, including the parts that aren't their fault?
This is very nuanced, so I’ll give you an example. I got married young, and my ex-husband was the love of my life. I found out he'd been having an affair for 2 years, but when I found out, it had already been over for a couple of years.
I played up the victim role big time. I was hurt. But even though everyone agreed with me and that he was an asshole, I kept not feeling better. I ended up finding Bryon Katie’s work and that’s when things changed for me and I realized I have a say in how I’m reacting.
Taking 100% responsibility felt like a life raft to me. It would have been easy to stay in a victim mindset, but the perspective wasn’t serving me. I had to swallow my pride. I was waiting around for someone else to change so I could feel better, when in reality it did nothing but make me feel helpless.
And when I say take 100% responsibility, I don't mean that I was responsible for my ex's cheating. But I had the opportunity and choice to take responsibility for the situation I was in as a result of someone else's actions.
It's not my fault that I'm in this situation, but it is my responsibility if I want things to be different. It was a 180 moment for me, this radical responsibility, and everything changed because of it.
What gift came into your life from this painful experience?
Definitely this huge mindset shift and taking 100% radical responsibility. It made me mature in so many ways and helped me step into a more powerful version of myself.
It was also asking myself hard questions of, ‘What wasn’t I seeing?’ and ‘What was my part in this?’ without blaming myself and instead using those as things to learn from and take into my next chapter.
What are the 3 beliefs that have driven you to be so successful?
1. Taking radical responsibility
2. Deciding to see challenges as pain or a puzzle
3. Easy is earned.
You see people in your highlight reel showing you how quickly you can get success, but success comes from skills, upon skills, and mindsets compounding over time and experience.
And finally, to wrap up our conversation, Jill shares with us the one insight that radically changed their life!
“The idea that you can choose your perspective in any situation and that you can choose a perception that serves you. And for me, that always comes down to choosing a perception that gives me the most power. It would also be along the lines of taking 100% radical responsibility.”
You can get in touch with Jill Coleman across all social media @JillFit, and if you enjoyed hearing from Jill today you can also check out her podcasts. The Best Life Podcast, which goes over mindsets, relationships, and communication, or Fit Biz You, which is for fitness businesses.
If today’s topic of conversation resonated with you, and you’re left wondering how you can push past your exhaustion, burnout, perfectionism, stressors, and fears, and take that much needed time to re-energize yourself—the simplest answer is meditation.
Not only does meditation activate your body’s relaxation response, but it also reduces the production of stress hormones.
Most people dismiss meditation as a solution before giving it a proper shot, mainly because they don’t know what they should be doing while meditating. Clearing their head? Thinking happy thoughts?
Without direction, meditation is pointless.
Which is why I created a guided meditation that’s entire purpose is to help you eliminate overwhelm in your life in less than 20 minutes (and can be used whenever you need it!).
Thank you for tuning into The Rewire Your Mind podcast!
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