[FREE QUIZ] - What's Your Unique Success Archetype?

Perfection Guarantees Pain

Jun 27, 2022
 

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Have you ever felt afraid to slow down or almost like there's this feeling inside of you, like you're coming up against safety and comfort,

You know there's more in you but you're so afraid to take the next step.

Or you're wondering how it's ever going to happen.

You feel trapped inside this shell, knowing there's so much more and you feel this dull, achy pain, knowing you're meant to explode out of there, but just feel like something is holding you back.

And for some reason, you're not achieving it. That's what we're going to talk about today. 

If you've ever felt that way, like there's a piece of you that knows you're meant for more, but you're not actually achieving it in the way that you want to achieve it.

You're meant to get to the next level, you're meant to overcome adversity, you're meant to become that transition person in your family.

But it's not happening. There is a reason.

I've had the privilege at this stage of my career working with tens of thousands of people from all over the world. And what I've discovered is there's a couple of different identities that people transition through. A couple of different things that people face, on their path to their dreams.

What I want to do is share with you how to transition from feeling like a failure, to thriving.

And not just feeling alive, but actually creating that success in your business.

But it comes down to how you are currently identifying. I've noticed there's three real big patterns that people face.

The first big pattern is what I call the worried perfectionist. Now I want you to ask yourself, are you challenged with perfection?

This whole idea of this episode is based on this idea that perfection guarantees pain, we need to let go of that perfection. 

The first identity that I've really noticed, and all the people I've worked with is what I call the worried perfectionist. This word perfectionist operates from what's called a have, do, be mindset. This is the person that thinks, once I have money, then I'll invest in a personal development program, so I can be successful and wealthy. 

That's what most people think once I have more time, then I'll work out so I can be vibrant.

That's what most people think once I have a more supportive spouse, then I'll give more love to my partner so I can be in love. 

That's not how it works.

That's what most people are worried perfectionist mindset end up doing. They think once I have a resource, then I'll take an action so I'll be successful and what this person ends up doing, they end up finding themselves stuck, feeling like how am I ever going to get to where I want to go, craving certainty creating a guarantee that it's going to be okay, but never really breaking through. 

The second paradigm that I found is what I call the stressed achiever. Now this person, the stressed achiever, this person operates from what's called a do, have, be mindset. 

What this person believes is I need to do do do do, so I can then have and therefore I'll be.

I need to take all the action in the world. And once I take all that action, then I'll have a goal. And once I have that goal, then I'll be successful and wealthy.

I need to do all this stuff. It's all always on my shoulders. And once I do all that something that's always on my shoulders, then I'll have a family that acts a certain way, then I'll feel accomplished, be accomplished. 

This person feels like they can never let go. 

They're always on, they're always exhausted, they're chasing a ghost. 

But there's another level. 

There's a third paradigm a select few of the people that I've worked with and I've coached people that are have gone from worried perfectionist or stressed achiever, and I've transitioned them to this next state. 

That's what I do. 

What I found is the select few people that are willing to let go of some limiting beliefs become what I call the high performer

This high performer operates from a very different mindset. If you take a look at the first two mindsets, the worried perfectionist have do, be and the stress achiever do, have, be. What you'll notice is the "be" is at the end.

The "be", the feeling, the vibrancy, the aliveness, the abundance, the wealth, that's all at the end.

But that's saying that our life causes our emotions. 

And that's not true. 

All suffering is never in the facts. It's in your perception of the facts. 

Our life doesn't cause our emotions, it's our emotions that cause our life. 

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your emotions.

So if you have crappy emotions, you're not gonna have a good life. No matter what you have, you can have all the money in the world.  

We need to reverse this. 

The high performer has a different mindset. They have a mindset of what's called a be, do, have mindset.

They reverse it, they flip the script.

What that means is they begin with the end in mind, just like Stephen Covey says, I want to have that amazing business. I'm want to have seven figure success. 

What would you already be doing if you had that success, what action would you be taking? 

Therefore, in order to do that automatically, who do you need to be now?

What emotions and feelings do you need to live with now, characteristics you need to live with now, so that you automatically take that action and therefore create the results.

You reverse engineer the results down to your emotions. 

That's what the high performer does. 

That happens when you let go of perfection. 

We need to let go of that forever.

Most people have this death grip on wanting to be perfect because they think that somehow their worth is tied to an outcome, their worth is somehow tied to what they achieve. 

And that's BS. 

That's not true. 

It is not true that your worth is tied to what you achieve. You are worthy no matter what, you've always been worthy, always be worthy, you're worthy right now. 

And if you think that your goals will make you feel a certain way, that's perfection. 

That's fear that I'm not enough.

That's what perfection is. 

In fact, perfection is just a guarantee for pain. 

One of my favorite quotes of all time is from Tony Robbins. And it says "perfection is the lowest standard you can ever set for yourself", because it guarantees pain. 

If you're living in a state of perfection from the worried perfectionist mindset, you're likely experiencing pain because you're not starting on your dreams, because you're craving the how. 

You want guarantees, you want to know how it's going to go, you want a feeling of certainty that you won't be judged, it's all going to be okay that you're going to be able to avoid pain and gain pleasure. 

You never take the leap of faith, you just study how to take the leap of faith all day.

You'll read all the books, but you won't take action. 

You'll be knowledgeable and you start to say things like, I know. I know I need to do that. I know I need to put myself out there on social media. I know that I need to do this. 

You almost find significance in knowing. 

But saying I know it just means that you don't know.

Saying I know just means that you don't know.

It means that I've never actually acted because do you ever know until you act?

You only know when you take action. 

That's how you actually learn. That's where knowledge is actually accumulated. You can read books all day, but until you do, very different thing. 

When we were preparing to have Lillian, I read like five books on fatherhood and parenting and babies, does that prepare you? 

Do you actually know how to parents when you read books about parenting? No, you'll have some cool skills that you can apply. But you don't actually know how they apply to your child until you do.

You can read all the books all day long, but it never actually manifests in knowing what to do until you've parented a kid. 

What we need to do is we need to shift this. We need to realize that you will not get good at swimming by studying how to swim in a book, you get good at swimming by getting in the pool. 

It guarantees pain because you'll always be craving the how, you'll live in the tyranny of how, you'll tiptoe around success and rationalize by reading books and studying courses and all this stuff is going to somehow make you successful. 

It is important that you do those things and act on the things that you're learning. 

If you study without action, you know nothing. 

Knowledge is not power. It's only potential power. 

Knowledge applied is where power comes from. 

That's what happens when you live in that worried perfectionist mindset. 

The second way perfection guarantees pain, this is a blend of the worried perfections and the stress achiever, is that you'll always be trying to avoid failure. 

If you think about it,  at the age of 12 in the school system, you're told to sit down, shut up, get an A plus, or you're a failure, because a school system is not created to make you wildly successful and happy. 

 So you study knowledge and facts. And you're tested on the stuff that you know.

Remember, knowledge is not power.

We're groomed to be perfectionists from middle school.

We need to realize that if we're wired to avoid failure, how will we ever thrive if failure is the only path to become successful? We won't. 

What this ends up doing is causes us to tiptoe around success, we end up playing ball not to lose instead of playing to win.

You'll have a prospecting message on social media. You'll write it 800 times to make sure it's said in a way that doesn't make someone else perceive you as trying to sell them just so that you're not judged. 

Or you'll make sure that you have a certain image so that other people perceive you in a certain way. 

All of your life is built around this idea of trying not to fail. 

So you don't go all in on something, you half ass apply something and it doesn't actually create the success that you want. 

It leaves you stranded and overwhelmed and exhausted all the time. 

You feel less than, you feel tired, you feel unworthy. 

It never manifests in what you really really want.

You never actually go out there because you're playing life not to lose instead of playing to win because failure is the only way you'll ever become successful. 

There's a third way it guarantees pain. Perfection guarantees pain when you live in the stress achiever mindset.

Nothing you ever do will feel like enough, you will bounce from goal to goal, you will go from peak to peak, to do list to to do list, income level to income level, and it still won't feel like you're enough.

Because you tying perfection to your worth, to an outcome.

What that means is you think that somehow achieving it will make you feel worthy. But when you get there, you realize that the feeling of worth still isn't there. 

We need to go and realize that this achievement isn't actually going to create what we want. 

It's not the achievement that makes us feel a certain way, it's feeling a certain way that makes the achievement actually vibrant within you.

If we're wired to chase our worth and think that our worth is somehow built on this idea that once we achieve, we'll feel it,  then we'll always be disappointed. We bounce from goal to goal, peak to peak, to do lists to to do lists, nothing feels like enough, it feels like you're chasing a ghost. 

Like your worth is somehow tied to an outcome and you just feel exhausted and overwhelmed. You feel like you can never stop, never slow down. You can never take a break, never take time for yourself. And you just feel tired all the time. 

You feel like what's the point in going after this? I thought that it'd be better than it actually is. 

That is how perfection guarantees pain. 

I want you to ask yourself, if you're living in the worried perfectionist mindset or the stress achiever mindset, chances are that these symptoms are the things that you're experiencing. 

When you reverse this, when you let go of perfection, then all of a sudden, you feel alive and vibrant, no matter what.

You can achieve the biggest goals and dreams you ever had. 

It's not basing your worth on a to do list or anything like that. 

You just feel good no matter what, when you feel good no matter what you take more risks and magic starts happening in your life and success starts flooding to you. 

But you need to rewire your mind in order to do this. 

If your mind is wired for perfection, how can you ever expect to give up perfection without rewiring it? 

You need to rewire it.

That's what I will help you with when you take the What's Your Unique Success Archetype quiz. 

If you're challenged with this, if you're dealing with any of those symptoms of the worried perfectionist or the stressed achiever, and those three ways that perfection guarantees pain, we need to flip this to get to that level of high performer. 

Once you get to that level of high performer, all of a sudden things seems so much easier than they've ever had, you're more mentally clear, and you just go and you achieve so much faster. 

Success speeds up so much more because you've rewired your mind. 

To do that you need to know your starting point, you need to know what are your current beliefs, your current limitations, the mistakes you're currently making. 

Once you have that awareness, you can actually do something about it.

I hope you realize the consequence of perfection, how it's hurting your dreams, how it's slowing you down.

We need to let that go forever. 

When you get into our ecosystem by taking this quiz, I promise you I will help you to do that every step of the way. 

 Take the 5-minute quiz to discover your archetype:

What's Your Unique Success Archetype

 

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