Welcome to The Path To Mindset Mastery! My name is Brad Bizjack! I’m a mindset strategist and coach, inspirational speaker, and creator of Appreciation Academy and I help online business owners breakthrough all the negative self-talk holding you back from your dreams so you can finally see the success you deserve!
I’m just curious- how many of you are currently approaching your business from a state of “I’m going to prove to people that my product is the best!” or “I’m going to show people how great this business is?” How many of you still get so frustrated when people don’t approve of your ideas, even if it’s your spouse?! And how many of you have clicked delete on Facebook posts because someone either hated on it or no one interacted with it? Or if you run your business on social media, how many of you will keep heading back to your Facebook page and clicking refresh just to see how many likes or comments you get because you want to make sure people are approving of you! If that hit a little bit too close to home, it’s because I know that all too well. Because I did it for a long time.
A little bit about me- when I was a kid, I faced a pretty tough challenge in my life. And it hurt really bad. I just wanted love. I just wanted to feel that I was worthy and capable and enough to be shown that I mattered to them. And that was the foundation of the biggest limiting belief that I ever had in my life- My voice doesn't matter. Can you imagine what that felt like as a kid to feel like I needed permission to talk… never feeling like I truly mattered and that my voice counted for something? It affected me the rest of my life! Only now, it affects me in a great way. But for the longest time, it hurt.
Everything I did through college was seeking validation from people. I would join a fraternity because I wanted to make sure I was accepted. I ran for fraternity president not because I truly know it was the right thing to do but because I thought that if I could get approval from these people, my voice would matter. The job I got out of school was at Abercrombie and Fitch’s headquarters. That in itself was me seeking validation to make sure I still mattered. I tried to get a cool job so I would matter. Leaving my job when I didn’t like it to build my own online business was completely based on being approved of. I went about it trying to prove to everyone that I mattered! I spent time trying to get my name known instead of focusing on service to others. I spent time trying to find my way into successful groups of people because I wanted to be approved of! Everything I did was based around this belief that my voice didn’t matter and that I needed approval from someone other than myself if I was ever going to succeed.
No wonder I never got ahead! In a world where creating success is based around using your authentic voice to change other’s lives, altering what I did to get approval from others didn’t contribute to that! Think about how much I manipulated what I did to make sure I was sharing my content in a way that I thought others wanted me to be instead of just being the real me!? There was no continuity with my authentic voice.
Can any of you relate to that?! It was so hard. And I craved validation so bad. I just wanted to be love. I just wanted people to accept me because the person that I craved love from the most held it back when I probably needed it the most.
But this whole thing was a gift. It was an amazing gift because it helped me to grow to believe in my real voice. And without it, I don’t know if I’d ever had this much confidence in myself. So all along, the worst days of my life were really the best days.
If I really think about it, if that person were exactly who I wanted them to be, I absolutely not be be the man I am proud to be today. It was a gift all along. And it took me a long time to realize that. I’m hoping this story helps you see that whatever you are challenged by in this arena is actually a gift.
Because you don’t need anyone’s permission to be you, when you follow your REAL heart and you go with your real voice, you feel so much freer. You feel so much more alive. Appreciation Academy wouldn’t have ever happened if I kept seeking validation from others. This came to be when I followed my true nature. When I let go of needing approval, and I started finding validation within myself.
Seeking validation and needing permission typically comes from something in your past. It comes from that hurt little kid that’s trying to protect you from pain. And if you can let it go and realize that the fact that you never received it was a GIFT. It was crafting you, sculpting you, molding you into an incredible person.
So let’s all take a second and listen to his words and be the empathy and compassion we wish we would have gotten. Instead of seeking it from others, we can become it for others. Can you imagine how much your life would change?
So take an honest look into your current method of operation. Are you trying to prove things to people? Are you trying to make sure you get enough likes to feel important? What is your current method of trying to gain approval or permission to act?
When we live that way, we start living an illusion based on someone else’s beliefs! It’s time to stop looking outside for the answers and start looking from within. It’s time to look within yourself and time to start being your real, true authentic self no matter what.
You no longer need permission to be your highest self. The validation- the approval- that’s all secondary. People will start believing in you when you start believing in yourself. Not the other way around.
So if this challenges you, there are a few really great ways to break through it!
1.) The first is to ask the question, “how would my highest self act?”
Would your highest self need permission? Would your highest self seek approval? Would your highest self try to prove yourself? Would your highest self alter who you truly are to gain approval from a group of people? Or would your highest self speak from the heart? Would your highest self find validation within? Would your highest self share your message and use it to impact the world?
2.) Check the accuracy of your beliefs
Your beliefs drive a lot of the challenges you face. Well, question. When’s the last time you checked the accuracy of those beliefs? Are they real? Or are they stories you’re playing in your head? Have you ever learned what your limiting beliefs are or how to break through them? If not, you gotta check out Appreciation Academy! From being part of this podcast, I’m giving you 50% off the normal cost on my website! All you have to do is head to www.appreciationacademy.com and enter the promo code, “PODCAST” at check out! But seriously, a lot of the seeking validation and needing permission comes from your beliefs! And you’ll need to change those if you want your business to work!
3.) Create a book of proof
Another excellent strategy for letting go of the need to seek validation is to create a book of proof. Any time you are doubting yourself, and you feel that need to creep back into that insecure place if you look at this book of proof, it’s a game-changer because you realize how amazing you already are! So what is a book of proof? Any time you succeed on anything (it can be as small as getting out of bed in the morning, an invite in your business, a smile you gave to your spouse), you write it in a special journal. It’s so powerful because when you’re feeling insecure, you can look at this book of proof and you can start to validate yourself!
So! How would your highest self-act, my friend? Does the highest, best version of yourself need validation from others? Nope. Would your highest self need permission to chase your dreams? So check out the exercise today. It’s going to ask you some questions that will help you dig into which ways you’ve been seeking validation and needing permission and how it’s been hurting you! I think it will be very beneficial to gain some clarity in this area.
So thank you so much for tuning into this weeks episode of The Path To Mindset Mastery! My name is Brad Bizjack! Go out there every single day and live your life with a genuine smile on your face. Because you don’t anyone else to tell you that you can!
I’ll see you next week!
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