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Not Happy? Here's Why!

Jul 24, 2019
 

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Summary:

  • Most people have a lot of ways to be pissed off and very few ways to be happy. This training will teach you how to change it! 
  • If you're ever pissed off at someone, it actually has nothing to do with what they did. 
  • We all have micro-beliefs of what needs to happen in order to feel a certain way. For most of us, this is unconscious. But when you become aware of it, you can change it! 
  • Watch the video for the full training! 
  • If you struggle with doing all the right things and you still don't know why you're not happy, this training is for you! 

Inspirational Quotes From The Episode:

  


Transcript:

Welcome to The Path To Mindset Mastery! My name is Brad Bizjack! I’m a mindset strategist and coach, inspirational speaker, and creator of Appreciation Academy, and I’m on a mission to help online business owners silence the negative self-talk holding you back from your dreams.

And the reason is that I used to live with negative self-talk all the time and it held me back in so many ways. And from struggling for years to now having a multiple 6 figure business in multiple countries and living a life of total choice and freedom, I’ve learned a thing or two about what holds people back from what they really want.

But chances are that you might be falling victim to one of the biggest myths about business. And that’s believing that business, success, and money will bring you happiness. That’s not the case. They won’t bring you more happiness unless you’re already happy. Happiness is what creates success. And that’s what people push off to the side. They say, “I’ll be happy when I achieve X.” No, you won’t. If you’re not happy with less, you’ll never create more. And even if you magically happen to create more by some weird perfectionist mentality, you’ll be miserable. And is that actually success? Nope. That’s total failure.

So you need to understand that happiness comes first. Always.

And I know you might’ve heard me say that before. But today we’re going to dive into why this is true and show you how you might be setting up your game of life to lose right now when you’re already probably winning.

So question. What does it take for you to feel successful? What does it take for you to feel loved? What does it take for you to feel confident? Healthy?

Take a second and think about it.

What does it take for you to feel successful? If you’re anything like me, I’d feel successful when a new sale would come into my business. Or when my income grew. I’d feel successful when the credit card was completely paid off. I’d feel successful when Janiece agreed with my opinion. I’d feel successful when I’d get over 100 likes on my Facebook posts. I’d feel successful when people responded to my messages, or a promotion went really well.

What about loved? What does it take for you to feel loved? If you’re anything like me, I used only to feel loved when my spouse was in a good mood when she got home from work and showed me excitement. When the people I was with were in a good mood. When people recognized me and praised me. When my family wasn’t negative (which trust me, isn’t very common). When we’d have sex whenever I felt like it. When I was with my close friends. When no one talked bad about me.

What about healthy? What does it take for you to feel healthy? For me, it used to be when I followed a meal plan perfectly or when my abs looked good in the mirror or when my clothes were fitting well or when my chin wasn’t puffy.

I had rules. I had things that needed to happen for me to feel happy.

But I was missing something very important. Nothing needs to happy for me to feel happy. And nothing needs to happen in order for you to feel happy either.

Along the way, we’ve set up little micro-beliefs. Basically if/then statements about what needs to happen in order to feel happy, just like what I listed off above.

But here’s the problem. So many people set up the game to be happy only when things happen that are completely out of their control. A new sale was coming in. Is that in my control? Nope. Janiece being happy when she walks in the door. In my control? Nope. Abs were looking good in the mirror. One might argue that’s in my control, but each day it changes. So not really.

If you are not happy, it’s because you have rules or micro-beliefs, or if/then statements that determine if you’ll allow yourself to be happy. And it’s not fair to you.

Most people a highway to pissed off and a dirt road to happiness. Meaning it’s very easy to get pissed off and very hard to be happy. I’ve reversed this in my life, and you can ask anyone close to me, any of my clients, anyone that knows me. I’m actually this annoying happy regularly. So I’d like to teach you how to do that, so you can have the right mindset to achieve all your goals.

Because remember, happiness comes first. The goals coming true are a cool byproduct.

Your happiness is dependent on the guidelines you set in your mind of what needs to happen to feel good.

Let’s use the example of standing in line at the grocery store. Wouldn’t you agree that if someone is pissed off or happy about that situation, it’s 100% dependent on how they think it should or shouldn’t be? Of course!

What we need to do is pause and realize that miracles are happening around us at every moment. Think about the idea of a podcast. That wasn’t even a thing 20 years ago. It’s a miracle. Wireless internet – a miracle! This microphone – a miracle. If you have the game of your life set up to where your happiness is based on something you don’t control, you’re guaranteed to suffer consistently.

Life changes when you decide that you’re going to enjoy today no matter what happens. And that’s not saying that things don’t happen that piss you off. Of course, they do. It’s saying that you realize that you control your mindset when it happens.

You could have the best guidelines for success ever. You could be the best person ever. You could work your ass off. You could be hardworking, honest, grateful, passionate, loving, healthy, etc. And you could be winning in all of those categories, but if you have rules stating that you can’t be happy unless specific things happen, it won’t matter how much you achieve or how grateful you try to be. You’re still going to suffer.

If you have a system of rules that cause you to feel frustrated, angry, hurt, but no rules that allow you to feel happy, successful, etc., do you think it’ll affect the way your life goes? Of course!

So most people create a ton of ways to feel bad and only a few ways to feel good. Your job is to be conscious of this and reverse it. Most of the rules you have in your own mind aren’t set by you. They’re just unconscious, and you go through life living them.

This is where you take your control back.

So pause me and actually answer the questions: What does it take for you to feel successful? What does it take for you to feel loved? What does it take for you to feel any feeling that you want to feel on a regular basis? Just write as much as you can.

Think about the emotional states that you value most in life. What has to happen for you to feel those ways? And write them out.

And once you have them written out, you need to find out if those rules are actually making your life better or if they’re holding you back.

Here’s how you know: If it’s complex and impossible to meet that rule, it’s not helping you. It’s hurting you. If it’s something you don’t control, like how someone reacts or if someone buys your product, that’s hurting you. And if it gives a lot of ways to feel shitty but very few ways to feel good, that’s hurting you.

Your self-esteem is based on your ability to feel like you control the events in your life. And if your rules are disempowering, you’re going to feel like you’re always out of control. Life is a variable event. It’s always changing. So if your rules don’t empower you, it doesn’t matter how hard you work. You’ll feel miserable.

In fact, anytime you’ve ever been mad at someone, it’s because you think they violated your rules of what they need to do in order for you to be happy, right? So always remember that. It’s not the person that upset you. It’s your rules about what the person must do to feel good that upset you.

You can’t expect people to live by your rules if they’re disempowering and if you’ve never communicated them.
So who do you want to become? Are your current rules appropriate for that person? Set up the game so you can win it.

Want to know what it takes for me to feel healthy now? It used to be when I followed a meal plan perfectly or when my abs looked good in the mirror or when my clothes were fitting well. When my chin wasn’t puffy. Now, it’s anytime I have a vegetable. It’s anytime I workout. It’s anytime I drink water. It’s anytime I go to bed at a good time. It’s anytime I breathe deep. It’s anytime I meditate or practice gratitude. Wouldn’t you agree that these new rules are more in my control? Are they based on external circumstances or internal choices? Internal choices! So it’s easy for me to be happy.

Want to know what it takes for me to feel love now? I used only to feel loved when my spouse was in a good mood when she got home from work and showed me excitement. When the people I was with were in a good mood. When people recognized me and praised me. When my family wasn’t negative (which trust me, isn’t very common). When we’d have sex whenever I felt like it. When I was with my close friends. When no one talked bad about me. Now, it’s anytime I call a friend. It’s anytime I see my wife. It’s anytime I show Janiece love in the way she receives it. It’s anytime I choose to smile. It’s anytime I play with my dog. It’s anytime I practice gratitude! More or less in my control? More! Are they based on external circumstances or internal choices? Internal choices! So it’s easy for me to be happy in this category!

Want to know what it takes for me to feel successful? I used to feel successful when a new sale would come into my business. Or when my income grew. I’d feel successful when the credit card was completely paid off. I’d feel successful when Janiece agreed with my opinion. I’d feel successful when I’d get over 100 likes on my Facebook posts. I’d feel successful when people responded to my messages, or a promotion went really well. Now, it’s anytime I’m working on something that will better someone’s life. It’s anytime I make an effort on the things that matter. It’s anytime I have fun. It’s anytime I save my money. It’s anytime I add value to my audience! More or less in my control? More! Are they based on external circumstances or internal choices? Internal choices! So it’s easy for me to be happy in this category!

So now it’s your turn.

First, who you want to become and what emotional states do you want to feel regularly! Success, achievement, happiness, gratitude, passion, excitement, fun? Write out a list of 10 or so.

Second, what are your current if/then statements? If X happens, then I’ll feel successful. If X happens, then I’ll feel passionate.

Third, take an analysis. Are these rules empowering you or disempowering you?

Fourth, rewrite your rules, so it’s easy for you to be happy and tough for you to get pissed off! It makes life so much easier! Helpful tip: use the words, “anytime I…” Because it makes it something you control.

When you go through this exercise, you’ll notice a lot about how you view life. You’ll learn why you work so hard and still aren’t happen. It’s your microbeliefs about what needs to happen for you to feel a certain way. And it’s time to let that go.

Create a life where a lot of stuff makes you smile. It makes business, success, and earning money so much easier.

So thank you so much for tuning in today! If you wouldn’t mind, head to iTunes, give this a rating and review! Share this podcast. Screenshot it and put it on your Instagram stories. Let’s get this in the hands of more people so more people can feel good regularly.

Because if you feel good regularly and truly believe that nothing needs to happen for you to feel good, business, success, and money get way easier to achieve!

Thank you so much for tuning into The Path To Mindset Mastery! My name is Brad Bizjack. Go out there today and every day and live your life with a genuine smile on your face! Because when you do what we talked about today, it becomes pretty freaking easy to do that.

I’ll see you next week!


 

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